Here's how Tuesday's NBA transactions should have read: 

MILWAUKEE BUCKS - Traded forward Richard Jefferson to the San Antonio Spurs for a bag of hammers. 

MINNESOTA TIMBERWOLVES - Traded guard-forward Mike Miller and guard Randy Foye to the Washington Wizards for a 2009 first-round pick and a pile of old eight-track tapes. 

You're kidding me with these deals, right? 

Is Ted Stepien calling the shots for the Bucks and Wolves? 

Did the Montreal Expos join the NBA? 

When does someone -- a fan base, a new owner, the commissioner -- step in and stop teams from putting a bow on a bill of goods known as the future and force them to properly manage the present? 

If you have season tickets for the Bucks or Wolves, you should be calling the sales office and demanding some sort of rebate or refund. With these trades, both teams basically announced that they are taking a mulligan for next season. 

It shouldn't matter to any Bucks fan that their team got rid of Jefferson's contract, which runs through 2011, for three contracts that expire a year earlier. What should matter is that the Bucks got rid of Jefferson, their best player. 

Whatever money the Bucks saved on this deal should go to the poor souls in the sales office, who are probably memorizing a sales pitch that sounds something like this: 

"I know that in the last eight years, we've had one season over .500 -- you remember that magical 42-40 campaign in 2003, right? -- and haven't won a playoff series, but please buy a ticket. I know we've had four coaches in the last four years, so we'll give you free tickets. I know we've stupidly overpaid for Michael Redd, Andrew Bogut and Dan Gadzuric and used recent lottery picks on Yi Jianlian and Joe Alexander, so here's my final offer: We'll pay you to come to the game. Please! Just come! We'll even let you play!!" 

When the Bucks opened their bag of hammers, they found Kurt Thomas, whose low-post defense will add to the growing logjam at power forward; Bruce Bowen, whose limited, diminishing skills will fit as well as Under Armour on Oliver Miller; and Fabricio Oberto, who had heart surgery earlier this month and was immediately rerouted to Detroit for burgeoning bust Amir Johnson. 

And here's how Bucks GM John Hammond summed it up for public consumption. 

"The trade also provides us with additional opportunities, both now and in the future, to consider adding more pieces to our roster," a portion of his statement said. 

Consider adding more pieces to our roster? Does that mean Hammond thinks he's good to go with what he has now? That ought to put Bucks fans at ease. 

The money saved still doesn't address what the Bucks plan on doing about unrestricted free agent guard Ramon Sessions, or how the Bucks are going to replace Jefferson's 20 points per night, or why the extra salary cap room next summer won't mean anything because NO SANE FREE AGENT WILL WANT TO PLAY FOR A 26-56 TEAM IN THE SNOW BELT!

Did we mention that Sam Kinison is guest-editing in place of Sam Amico? 

At least the Wolves got a high draft pick in their deal. Of course, to get that, they had to part with two of their top four players and take back yet another player with a heart condition. 

The Wolves are trying to build around Al Jefferson, whose best position is power forward, and Kevin Love, whose best position is power forward. So they acquired Darius Songaila, who plays power forward; Oleskiy Pecherov, a frail 7-footer best suited as a power forward; and Etan Thomas, who had open heart surgery less than two years ago and is capable of playing some center but also plays power forward. 

Shrewd. 

New Wolves GM David Kahn will point to the fact that he now holds the fifth, sixth, 18th and 28th picks in the draft, which is nice until you realize that three of those picks have to be used on a point guard to replace the traded Randy Foye, a shooting guard to replace the traded Mike Miller and a small forward as insurance for the injured Corey Brewer. Hey, at least they don't need a power forward. 

And having four first-round picks doesn't mean you end up with four NBA players. Just ask the Atlanta Hawks, who had four first-round picks in 1999. They used them on Jason Terry, Cal Bowdler, Dion Glover and Jumaine Jones and began a stretch of missing the playoffs for eight straight years. 

Or ask the Sacramento Kings, who had four first-round picks in 1990. They used them on Lionel Simmons, Travis Mays, Duane Causwell and Anthony Bonner and stayed stuck in a stretch of eight years of watching the postseason. 

Let's say the Wolves somehow end up with Hasheem Thabeet, Tyreke Evans, Earl Clark and Chase Budinger. That will give them at least 10 players on next season's roster who are 25 or younger. Ten! Instead of looking for a new coach, Kahn should hire an au pair. 

And how long does it take that group alongside Jefferson and Love to get into the Western Conference playoffs? Three years? Four? The Wolves already have missed the playoffs for five straight years. How long are their fans supposed to wait for this latest group of young players to develop? 

Although the Wolves took on a bit more long-term salary -- Songaila has a $4.8 million player option for 2010-11 -- they are still positioned to be a potential player in next summer's free agent market. But as we may have alluded to in subtle fashion earlier, it doesn't matter because NO SANE FREE AGENT WILL WANT TO PLAY FOR A 26-56 TEAM IN THE SNOW BELT!

Amico will be back tomorrow. 

With its draft, salary cap, luxury tax, rules regarding trades and free agency and a concerned commissioner, the NBA has more mechanisms in place for teams to remain relevant than perhaps any other pro sports league. 

But when teams like the Bucks and Wolves make moves like these, it becomes obvious that relevancy isn't a priority. 

Chris Bernucca has covered the NBA since 1996 and is a regular contributor to Pro Basketball News. You can disagree with him at cbernucca@comcast.net.